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He did have a kind of opening to ask me about my past, but instead of taking it, he just told me that it didn’t matter to him, that all that mattered was that I was with him then.’ ‘So, what happens when you two are out and you run into some ex of yours?’ ‘That worries me, a lot, but, you know what? I don’t have any exes! Yeah, there are guys I’ve fucked before, but I don’t have any actual ex-boyfriends. As far as I’m concerned, Dave is my first boyfriend, he’s the only one who ever wanted to be my boyfriend. ‘And you’re going to think that this is silly, but the first time we made love, I was thinking about how bad my first time was, and all I wanted to do was make sure Dave’s first time was great. It was so great, for me as well as for Dave, that I was trying to make it my first time in my mind.’ ‘Oh, good Lord, Marcy, you really are in love! But what about this Dave? Does he feel about you the same way?’ ‘Oh, I don’t know, I think so, but I’m his first, and you know how stupid. I think it happened once a day. I couldn'tdiscern sleep from waking after a period of time. Sometimes music would bepumped into my ears.? Sometimes it wouldbe my own voice - My Lady had recorded my begging and pleading for use on anumber of occasions.? Sometimes it was arepetitive mantra, telling me how I was slave, property, a toy for My Lady toplay with.? It was a deliriousdream.? I think there were periods of thenon-stop sounds of women's orgasms.? Thenoises became inseparable from my own thoughts.?Similarly, it was impossible to discern dreams from waking imagination. During the firstcouple of days, I would occasionally be overcome by the madness of it.? I would try to thrash, move, escape - I don'tknow.? I don't think that the maddeningitch of my hair starting to grow back helped at all.? It began to drive me crazy - of that I'msure. Eventually Ibegan to think of myself as just a floating consciousness, perhaps just afantasy of My Lady.? Was I just a dreamof hers?? It is hard,.
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